I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize