so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize