turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
