Define "chronic" masturbator.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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