shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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