just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
