It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How does one acquire holy water?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
