Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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