Betty ford says i'm here all night
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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