just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
