I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
