She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
