I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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