i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
