Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
