Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
