I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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