i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
