I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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