I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
