You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
