there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
