he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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