if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
