All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
