so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
