A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
