It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
