if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
