im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
