She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
