Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my shit smells like andre
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
