Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
