Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
