I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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