Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
