I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
