But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
