I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
