I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
