Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
