You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
