Cold hands, warm shart.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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