Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
