JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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