arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
