we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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