I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
