a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize