i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
