the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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