Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
