Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Four minutes until I can fart!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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