i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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