Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
