your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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