i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
