weddingsv make me drug and hornr
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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