No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
