oh god the rape fog is back!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
