Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
