He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
