Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
