It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
