Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
