Pappa wants mamma naked
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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