I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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