No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
