I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
