i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
