Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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