I love black thongs
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
