i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
