she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
