is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
