so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
