You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
