I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
